It was now approaching 2AM but I was not tired at all. I was fully awake and I think perhaps the adrenaline of everything and the nightlife in Makkah was keeping me going. I was also thankful that my sugar level (for the moment) was stable.
We reached the Haram area or the Grand Mosque and entered through Abdul Aziz Gate which as mentioned previously is the closest and biggest one near my hotel. There were scores of people that you had to walk with and past in order to go inside the central courtyard where you will lay eyes on the Ka’bah.
I was under the ceilings or entrance areas of the grand mosque at this time but just a few meters away from the courtyard. Now I don’t see very well so I didn’t immediately notice the Ka’bah that was right in front of me. I can’t/don’t pick these out unless it’s obvious or pointed out to me.
I guess it should have been obvious but behind the pillars that were from the floor to the ceiling and the number of people, the central courtyard of the mosque looked like an open area. It was only until my guide said “Ka’bah. You want to take a photo?” I kept weaving my head between the crowds to try to see the Ka’bah and was really confused before my guide said “Look, there” with a bit of a chuckle. And there it was.
It was slightly on my right side from where I entered, not right in the centre as I expected. I made a supplication on first seeing the Ka’bah in real life as it’s recommended you do and that I had prepared for. Following this my guide recommended that I pray two raqats nafl prayer before we begin our Tawaf (Circumambulation of the Ka’bah).
Now just to explain Islamic prayer or the nafl prayer, I thought I’d just take the next few sentences to explain as simply as I can. Again this is not me trying to preach but it’s just so as I use these words and if you’re unfamiliar you can follow what I’m trying to say.
When we refer to a raqat in prayer this is the act of standing up with your hands placed in front of you whilst you’re reading certain recitations. You then go down in a bow. This finishes one raqat. After every two raqats there is a sitting position where further Arabic recitations are read, and depending on whether the prayer is two or four raqats, the worshipper will end the prayer moving the head from the right shoulder to the left or rising.
I prayed 2 nafl raqats by the side, probably 100 meters away from the Ka’bah. Up to now this was the closest I have ever been to the Ka’bah despite having prayed facing it for all of my life.
My guide got two small plastic cups of zamzam water. I will explain what this is later. This is a small supplication to ask that God make this easy for you and grant mercy.
For myself specifically, this was much more meaningful as I always worried constantly about my sugar levels going low or needing to use the loo in the middle of everything. So the act of surrendering myself before God and to ask for help/safety felt a lot more meaningful for me at this point.
I was completely depending and relying on Allah (God) to carry me through with as much ease as possible. When I finished my nafl prayer it felt like complete surrender in the most peaceful and gracious way possible. The realisation that ok whatever God’s will will be, will be.
Throughout the course of my whole medical aspect of my life I’ve tried to be in control as much as possible by following medical advice etc. But now I was in a place where there was a small lack of control in terms of what may happen. But you know what, that felt really freeing in a way. For a very rare moment personally, I had complete faith and reliance on God to carry me through.
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