I was on high alert and definitely breathing faster. It was a combination of nervousnessness, fear, and apprehension. You must do 6 rotations of the Ka’bah, raising your right hand and saying a supplication each time you pass the black stone marked by the green lights at the top.
Between the second and fourth rotation we tried to move closer to the Ka’bah. You have to move quickly if you notice a space that you can step into. It was incredibly crowded.
I actually remember that at one point I wasn’t even walking. I was wedged in between people with my shoulders pressed up against theirs that I was literally carried for a few meters. I wasn’t even walking and I could feel my core tightening from the pressure of the crowds. This was until my guide grabbed me and managed to pull me out. But I could’ve sworn, a few more moments and I would’ve cracked some ribs.
I did say some small prayers as I was walking. I wasn’t rushing but you just had to make quick changes sometimes to avoid people or those chains of people. I was in a place where it did feel like okay whatever happens next it’s completely out of my control. I knew that as much as I could this was an act of worship and yes one of the primary obligatory requirements for ibadah is looking after yourself / keeping safe. But in this situation as hard as I was trying, I leaned more into God and had greater faith and submission to him in whatever may happen.
I’m not a religious person in my opinion. But during the tawaf, something felt different for me. I had been invited to God’s house and it just felt like complete submission and surrender into God for all what may come. It’s difficult to explain but I just felt something I’ve never experienced before in my spiritual being I guess.
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